I’ve told two lies in the last couple days, I lied yesterday when I did a rally track and I told the instructors I had a drivers licence(I miss driving more and more everyday and this was one way I could do it!) and I lie everyday when people ask ‘so are you okay now?’.
This blog is to those of you who know how I feel. To those who have had their lives changed and can’t work out what to do. To those of you wondering when you’ll get your life back.
I’m going to tell you the truth, you most likely won’t get your life back to exactly how it was before, so stop trying.
No one tells you but that’s the cold hard truth, you won’t be 100% again and you won’t have the life you lived before, back. Sorry, but that’s a fact. Now you know that fact, build a bridge and get over it. Sound mean? Well yeah I guess it kind of is mean, but in the long run it isn’t. The quicker you get building that bridge and take the first steps onto it the quicker you’ll be happy again.
I cry far too often. Always about the same thing…the life I lived before August 6th 2016. I’m crying right now as I write this actually. So I’m not yet over my bridge but I have built it and I am standing on it.
The life I had involved, driving fast along back country lanes, going from photoshoot to photoshoot. I could take a booking last minute, visit my family on the way back from it and then go shopping. I’d go to parties, stay at my friends last minute, not thinking of tomorrow’s consequences and not checking I had my prescribed drugs on me. I could take part in young farmers competitions, but remembering sequences for dancing, getting to rehearsals or performances and being able to do public speaking are all something I can no longer do. That life, my life was perfect. It suited me down to a T, but I’m not allowed it anymore.
I was angry for so so long, yet it didn’t help anything.
What did help? Focusing on the positives. The positives of a shit situation can be hard to find, so you have to look really close. On the notes section of my phone I started writing down my blessings, the things that happened in the day that I wanted to thank God for, and slowly I realised that I had SO much to be grateful for.
So I am going to write today’s here for you all to see…
  1. Had 1st lie in since February with my wonderful Giles.
  2. Had an enquiry, one that makes me very excited.
  3. Lovely meal in Gloucester with Giles.
  4. Nearly beat Giles at Pool.
  5. Came home to a tidy and clean house.(Thank you past me who knew future me would appreciate it.)
  6. Lovely telephone conversation with my beautiful Mummy.
  7. Booked an exciting adventure to see my bestie.
  8. Planned for an exciting afternoon of work tomorrow…pretty sure I have the best Monday’s(we start at 12pm so then we don’t dread Monday mornings!)
  9. Grateful I choose my own work schedule.
  10. Planned to make a chocolate crumble with leftover brownie mixture.(If you’ve never had a chocolate crumple then message me for the recipe…it’s my fav!!)
  11. Came up with business ideas for the last few months of the year.(I do this every day and it’s probably my favourite part!)
  12. Opened yesterday’s post to find my Uncle set up a bank account when I was born and had put £100 in it, with the interest there is now £104.18…very exciting times!-(will pay for the garden fence that blew down in Friday’s storm!)
I hope you see, but these things aren’t big things, not the kind of things you first think of, but each one made me smile. 12 smiles in a day is pretty good I’d say! Don’t be sad you’re not getting your life back, be happy for the good that is happening around. Since writing that list I have stopped crying and am now smiling. (TIP – Keep these lists, they’re funny to read back! – Probably better to do in a diary but I never have mine on me when I’m in bed and that’s when I usually do them.)
There are so so many good things happening in the world, we just need to focus on them instead of the bad.
Much Love,
Em x